Monday, April 20, 2009

On the corner of setback, setback, setback

I have a patio set of which I'm quite proud. The table is a heavy wrought iron, round, black table which I procured during my tenure as partner 1082825 at Starbucks #167. I didn't steal it, though. We had like sixteen of the fuckers, and they were heavy. Each one had four little nuts which held the base to the top. The thing is, a few of them were missing a nut or two. Cleverly, I consolidated the nuts until I had 15 good tables, and one table with no nuts whatsoever. I then took the table with no nuts, and brought it to my assistant manager, who was one of those crazy lifers who has put in over 10 years, but could never make manager because he was too dumb (which at Starbucks is one heck of an accomplishment!) I told him how I was going to go to Home Depot and get new nuts and just take a paid-out at the till. He took one look at the table, and said, "Throw it in the dumpster!"

Now, the dumpster was all the way across the strip mall. It was one of those gigantic dealies with the compactor built into it. It was a great place to hide and smoke or maybe make out with a colleague on shift. I took the table back there and put it next to the dumpster. After my shift, I drove by in the van and took the table.

My chairs are from JJ Bean on Commercial Drive. I didn't have to steal them though. They're all bent, so JJ (yes, that's actually a guy) said I could borrow them until such a time as he really really needed them.

This was the state of my set after my birthday party.

Part of my endeavour to store all my stuff includes lending people things they need so I don't have to pay to store everything. Scott has my red couch now. I took my patio set to the Enchanted House for the girls to enjoy. I was whizzing down Fraser, windows cranked down, rocking out to the Organ on this beautiful spring day, and it reminded me of when that record first came out, back when I first had the van, and back when I first stole that table. Back then, I worked for a coffee company where the sort of guy with the initiative to fix the table is ignored by the guy who hasn't done shit in 10 years except punch the clock and not fuck up bad enough to get fired. Now I work for a company where initiative gets you promoted three times in two years. Back then, I wanted to live in Vancouver so badly. Now I do. My life is way way better than it was back then.

I loaded the patio set onto the patio to surprise the girls. A guy honked at me in the alley and glared at me when he passed me, which distracted me, and I subsequently locked my keys in the van. Now I'm waiting for Scott to come back and bail me out with the second set of keys. The worst part is how the 4 way flashers are going.

Here's the patio set in place.

Here is Keri inspecting the set. At least I have somewhere awesome to hang out while I wait for Scott.

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